What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 27.06.2025 10:37
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
But it wasn’t much.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
What ESPN’s Football Power Index is projecting for Big 12 rivals BYU and Utah in 2025 - Deseret News
I will be 64.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Protein bars may not have the health benefits that you think, study finds - AOL.com
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Musk-Trump Spat Hits New High As Musk’s Ex Piles On - HuffPost
So whats the point in blame.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Is a computer science degree worth it in 2024?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was scared of men, in general
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Which bands became massively popular for covering songs rather than recording originals?
She loved him until the end.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
So, i spoilt her more .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Is there any way to simulate the effect of a sauna or steam room on the body from one's own home?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Kyle Busch, Josh Berry go sliding in practice at Nashville - NASCAR.com
Ive learnt so much.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Verizon announces wild new offer to win back angry customers - TheStreet
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Neuroscientists just discovered a fascinating fact about the grooves in your brain - PsyPost
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
All four iPhone 17 models just tipped for ‘metalens’ upgrade - Tom's Guide
Comes on , in middle age.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
One cannot live in the past .
Molly Jong-Fast on Human Frailty and Unlearning Erica Jong’s Lessons - Literary Hub
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
How many trans people are lawful gun owners?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
This email app is Gmail on steroids, and I can't recommend it enough - Android Police
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
This is soul school!.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I write beautiful poetry .
I never cut or harmed myself..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My family never makes their pension either.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I think the readers, may guess!
She found it foreign!.
As i do to all so called friends.?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She was in good health!
She married twice! .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I said to her
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Im still living with it.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I waited trembling.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I don,t even have a pension.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
When she asked me how she looked .
My life is so biszare .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And i lived it daily.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
It was going to be , some day.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Put me off passion for life!!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I have no regrets .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
What did i know ?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He knew the spot.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He resisted the act ,that day.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why did i forgive my father ?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But, we were locked up after school.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was seconnd youngest,
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Who then, do I blame.?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was very sick at this time too.
She wouldn,t have been !
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Would this be the day?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
We were not on the streets..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was 9 years of age.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
All the time i was locked up.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We all went to grammer schools
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!